Navigating Your Young Adult Child's Addiction with Knowledge and Compassion

Facing the addiction of a family member might feel overwhelming, confusing, worrying, or sad. Where do you start so you can show your love yet keep a balanced approach to your life? As therapists who have been in the trenches of family addiction, we’re here to help guide you.

A starting point may be the ‘three Cs’ advice from Al-Anon. You did not cause your loved one's addiction. You can't control your loved one's addiction. And you cannot cure your loved one's addiction. So what do you do? We know that as a family member you are impacted by the disease of addiction when someone you care about is struggling. Here are some tips to help you:

Understanding Young Adult Child's Addiction

Know that addiction is a disease and holding that perspective is important as you think about a path to support your loved one. Using drugs, alcohol, gambling, or other addictive behavior activates the brain's reward system, creating a cycle that can be hard to break. The common thread is these issues all overstimulate the brain's reward pathways, leading to compulsive use or behavior despite harmful consequences. To overcome these issues is not as simple as saying, just stop.

Maintaining Self-Care

You can join a support group, work with a therapist, go to Al-Anon or join our free biweekly Support Group the first and third Tuesday of each month via Zoom at 6:30 PM Pacific Standard Time. Group efforts are terrific ways to have others help guide you. First, it helps you realize that you are not alone. Second, it helps you keep perspective on your situation. It’s hard to think clearly when you are stressed about what are the best and most effective steps to provide the love and support to the addicted family member while functioning at home, in your community, and at your work. Other ways to maintain self-care is through mindfulness practices. This will help you reduce the stress you feel and allow you to make good decisions about your own well-being.

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Keeping Perspective

Look clearly at your family dynamics and your own role. It’s helpful to have support as you dig deep into the causes and stresses that may have triggered or inadvertently support the addiction your loved one faces. Remember this is an exercise not designed to show blame but open up understanding.

Establishing Boundaries

Boundaries are information about how we value ourselves and manage our emotions. They are imperative for us to foster self-respect, emotional wellness, respect from others, care for our physical well-being, and so much more. By thinking about and establishing boundaries, families can face difficult situations without emotional cut-off.

Sharing Communication Through Your Own Lens

Using language focused on your own feelings, using “I” statements allows for more open communication without blame. This can lead to a more balanced conversation all parties are more likely to hear.

Recognizing the Difference Between Enabling and Helping

Enabling is any behavior that overtly or covertly supports an addiction or undermines the recovery process. Sometimes when we seek to support our family members, we inadvertently end up supporting the behavior. Teasing out the difference between actions that allow the addicted individual to learn the consequences of their behavior and taking action that doesn’t stop the addictive behavior sometimes requires the perspective of others, and education about how actions influence behavior.

Guiding Through the Process

We would love to guide you through this process. Our personal experience gives us unique insights into the emotions and positive steps you can take to support your family. It helps to have the perspective of others who have been in your shoes. This results in affirmation of emotions and an outside perspective to help you monitor and gauge the steps you can take to be an effective, loving family member. We would love to hear from you.