Addiction, Family, and Forgiveness: What Forgiving Actually Looks Like (And What It Doesn’t)
When addiction hits your family, forgiveness gets complicated. Maybe you've been told, "You just need to forgive and move on." Or maybe you've heard, "You can’t heal if you’re holding on to resentment."
But forgiveness isn’t a light switch you flip. It’s not a moral test. And it definitely isn’t about pretending things didn’t hurt. We’ve walked this path ourselves—sorting through years of hurt, confusion, and disappointment while still trying to love someone in addiction. And if no one has told you this before, we want to say it clearly:
Forgiveness is a process. It’s layered. And it’s yours to define.
What Forgiveness Is NOT
Let’s clear something up: forgiveness does not mean:
Excusing the behavior
Minimizing the pain
Reconnecting with someone who’s still unsafe
Giving up your boundaries
Saying what happened was “okay”
You can forgive someone in your heart and still choose not to have a relationship with them. You can forgive someone and still feel grief, anger, or hurt. Emotions don’t disappear just because you’ve made a decision to let go of resentment.
What Forgiveness CAN Be
Forgiveness can look like this:
Releasing the burden of trying to change what happened
Acknowledging your pain without letting it control your peace
No longer carrying their behavior as your responsibility
Choosing to focus on your own healing, not their behavior
Quietly letting go, without needing an apology
One of the most freeing things we’ve learned? Forgiveness doesn’t have to be shared. You can forgive someone who never says sorry. You can forgive someone who isn’t even in your life anymore.
Our Experience
There was a time we believed forgiveness meant inviting chaos back into our homes. That to “let go” meant to “let them in.”
It took time—and a lot of heartache—to learn that healthy forgiveness has nothing to do with erasing the past. It’s about setting yourself free from the grip it has on your today.
Forgiveness was the quiet moment Kimberly stopped taking the blame for someone else’s choices. It was when Lyle realized she could feel love and anger at the same time—and that didn’t make her a bad daughter.
How to Know If You’re Ready to Forgive
You don’t need to rush forgiveness. But if you’re wondering if you’re ready, ask yourself:
Am I holding onto anger because it feels safer than grieving?
Is resentment keeping me connected to a version of them I wish existed?
What would I feel if I laid this weight down?
Can I forgive while still honoring my boundaries?
Permission to Take Your Time
Forgiveness is not the final step in healing. Sometimes, it’s not even the middle. Sometimes, you start forgiving parts of the story before you even realize it.
You’re allowed to be wherever you are. You’re allowed to forgive slowly, messily, and in pieces. And you’re allowed not to forgive at all—at least not right now.
This is your process. You get to own it.
We’re Here For You
We’re not here to preach forgiveness. We’re here to hold space for what it really looks like—especially when addiction has touched your family.
If you’re navigating this right now, know that you’re not alone. And whatever pace you’re moving at, we’re proud of you for doing this work.
Need support in sorting out what forgiveness might mean for you? That’s what our We Hope This Helps membership is for. Resources. Community. And real talk about the hard stuff.
You’re not too much. You’re not too late. You’re just starting to heal—and we’re with you.
